Today at 4:30 in the
morning I heard a knock on our door. I thought it was a dream but my dogs were
barking. I told Mike and he got up, by then we could hear somebody desperately knocking
on the door. Mike went down the stairs and opened the door, I did not hear very
well but then he came back running to grab his phone and I heard him saying
that our next door neighbor thought he had suffocated his baby. In less than a
second I was awake and ready to go down too, but Mike told me it was better if
I did not see it. We live in a town home and we share a wall with our neighbors
and even though we never hear a noise from them the dad was screaming so loud I
could hear him from my room. Mike called 911 and the operator gave him instructions
on how to perform CPR on a baby less than a month old. The ambulance got here
10 minutes later. The screams stopped for maybe 5 minutes and then I heard
something I will never forget, the screams of a father that had lost a little
piece of him. For some reason the mother was not in the house. A little bit later
Mike came home and just nodded, letting me know that the baby was not in this
world anymore. Maybe it is because I have a baby; maybe it is because I am
pregnant and emotional or maybe because nobody, NOBODY deserves to lose a child
in such a tragic and unexpected way, but I have never felt more sorrow and pain
for someone I barely know. At noon the mom came home and when I heard her
scream for hours my heart broke in a million pieces for a second time today,
and this time it hurts even more because I know that she was not here, I know
she didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to her beautiful little girl, she didn’t
have a chance to hug her and smell her and feel her one more time. I know our
father in heaven loves us as much as we love our children and I know that even
though we don’t understand his reasons right now He know why we need to go
through this trials and tribulations. I realize now that my faith is not as
strong as I thought because even though I know that He has never left that
family alone I feel a little bit mad and frustrated.
Two days ago during
thanks giving dinner at my husband’s parents’ house Mike’s siblings were giving
us basic instruction on how to perform CPR on babies. Who would have known that
in less than two days mu husband was going to have to face something like this.
It has been a very difficult day, police interrogating Mike and I suppose the baby’s
father too. A detective came to our house today to take Mike’s statement and
told him that there was nothing else Mike could have done for the little girl.
It looks like the baby was gone before he even got there, which makes me feel
so proud of him because even knowing that the baby was probably gone he kept
trying because the dad was in front of him and he didn’t want him to feel like
he was giving up on the baby.
Today we have kissed,
hugged, and spoiled our baby Lisa more than ever because we realize that we have no warranty we are going to see her
tomorrow. We have also learned a valuable lesson about safety and the dangers
of sleeping with babies. I know a lot of you might think that that could never
happen to you, but I assure you that is more common that we know and that it
can happen to the best parents, including mothers.
Today more than ever I
thank my heavenly father for the blessing we have to be able to see our
beautiful baby Lisa wake up every morning and I ask Him strength and peace for
those parents who have lost so much today.
