My body

I failed my one-hour glucose test last Wednesday. I was supposed to get under 140 I think, the number was 160ish. So I had to go back for a three-hour test. I did it the next day and I failed again. I passed two tests and I failed two. I was a little worried going in for my 28 week check up on Wednesday because I noticed that the number that the scale showed has never ever been so high, not even at the end of my pregnancy with Lisa. I want to think that after being so sick for almost five months and not being able to keep much food down my body decided to hoard whatever I put in it. I have heard mixed opinions about this test. Some people who have failed have told me that the numbers don't mean much and that doctors and hospitals just want more money and will scare you to get you to go to the class and buy all the sugar testing supplies. The same people told me not to ignore it and be more careful about what I eat. Other people told me to take it very seriously. Of course right after my second test I started getting calls from the Gestational Diabetes Specialists at the hospital. They want me to go to a three-hour class, and make sure I bring my insurance information. I had noticed that I was getting bigger with this baby than I did with Lisa, and to be honest I really don't quite understand why. I guess your body is just different with each pregnancy. I cannot understand how come I am gaining so much weight when I barely have time to eat after I am done feeding Lisa. I do eat junk food once in a while, especially during the weekend when I go out with Mike and Lisa, but after coming back from the doctor wanting to get rid of junk food at home I realized that the only thing I had that would be considered junk or not so healthy was Nutella. I admit I eat maybe two or three whole grain toasts a day, but I still can't figure where is this weight and gestational diabetes coming from. I even stopped drinking the delicious mango juice from Costco that I love so much a while ago and only keep milk in our fridge.
I don't think I have the strength to go sugar free right now, but I am trying to only have something sugary once a day, for example if I have a strawberry jam toast that would be all the sugar I get during the day. I don't know if it would help as I think I really don't eat that terrible, but we will see. I wont listen to the people from the hospital and I will go to the class too. Hopefully this baby wont be huge. The nurses were telling me stories about very big ladies who claim to eat McDonalds and sweet all the time who would pass the test with flying colors, and the super fit ladies who would fail miserably. I'd better be in the cautious side.

I think its interesting that this happened this week, which has been particularly difficult. I am feeling really huge, and I also feel very frustrated because there is not much in my closet I can wear anymore. I feel like my legs are huge, my arms are huge, my face is huge... everything in me is huge. On Friday I read an article that made me feel so silly it made me cry. After reading it I felt like I had been complaining too much and that I needed to appreciate my body more and just try and keep it as healthy as I can, yes my huge and achy body. I still feel quite awful when I look in the mirror, but I quickly remind myself that there is a miracle happening inside, a miracle that I love already and will meet and very soon. When that miracle comes out the imperfections left behind will serve as a reminder of what my body is capable of. God gave me this body and I will do my best to take care of it because this imperfect body of mine makes miracles, perfect little miracles.


Here is the article,


Ntima Preusser

Military wife and new mother

An Ode to My Postpartum Body

Before I became pregnant, someone told me, "don't have a baby, babies ruin your body."

It has been over a year since Anabel began her life. This time last year she was a microscopic speck inside of me, and we were announcing our pregnancy. Between then and now, I have gained and lost 50 pounds. Four months after her birth, and my body still carries proof of her existence.

I have dark pools under my eyes. A valley where my belly button once was. Hips with a new amplitude that my teenage self wouldn't recognize. I have lines mapped across the mountains of stretched skin left over on my midsection. Lightning bolts on my sides proving I once was too small to contain all of the love that filled me. Lines indicating that my daughter once lived inside of me.

Do you realize the significance in that? Every limb, finger, toe... her heart, even, developed near the very place my own heart beats inside of my chest. Those mountains of skin are all I have left to prove that we were once one and not two.

How can I be ashamed of that?

I have so much to say about seeing my grandfather's eyes embedded into the sockets, and under the brows and lashes of her father's. I see the 17-year-old boy I fell in love with, and my grandpa as a child all at once every time she looks up at me. She even wears my ears and my chin. The two very things I cursed having the most growing up. Not much makes me feel more beautiful than seeing tiny renditions of those same features on Anabel, and realizing just how special they are.

My body grew that.
Not everybody has that privilege.

Sure my belly is a bit softer nowadays, but the way it moves when I jump up and down sends my girl into fits of giggles. And yeah, my hips are hardly as narrow as they used to be, but they sure know the perfect figure-8 motion to sway her to sleep. My 21-year-old hair is even beginning to gray, but not much soothes her more than my hair between her little fingers.

I am not something flawless in the eyes of society, or even close to what I once was physically, but my perfect girl sees me for who I am.

To her, I hang the moon.

She knows my heart -- she knew it long before we met.

And she loves me for it.

I cannot tell you how much worth and validation I feel because of that truth.

My body is only a vessel for my spirit. An incredible vessel. It is strong, well, abled and undefeated.

My body is full of life.
My body is powerful.
My body made me a mother.

If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her, and she made me whole again.

This post originally appeared on We Seek Joy

Some phone pictures.

I managed to do something to Lisa's hair. It lasted less than a minute. In case you were wondering why she always has wild hair. 

Our morning routine. We the girls chill for 20 min. before we go have breakfast

When Daddy makes it before Lisa goes to bed we read stories together. Lisa has to hold her blankets and the baby

Ella had a visit from two of the volunteer who used to walk her before we adopted her from a rescue group. Georgia Homeless Pets. She is a very spoiled girl, which make up for the fact that most people are scared of her since she behaves so bad on a leash. At least the volunteer know better. She is the sweetest

Lisa "reading" a book from the  Dr. Seuss collection Grandma and Grandpa Anthony sent her

Silly selfies

Ella also got an extra bed from her fans and Lisa loves it. So now they fight over it. Lisa wins every time

My beautiful nephew Roberto. I am so excited to see him again

HAPPY 18 MONTHS TO BABY LISA!!

Lisa turned 18 months old on January 31^st. It almost brings tears to my eyes when I think that once she was inside me, that once she fit in my arms perfectly, and that once I was her sole source of food and nourishment. We took her to nursery today at church for the first time and I was a wreck for two hours. I like to think that all moms are like me but I know I am a little bit more over the top. First I wanted to stay with her the whole time but Mike would not let me, then I wanted to go see if she had sat down for the mini lesson and snack time but Mike again said she was fine. I found myself shaking and then crying during Sunday school, Mike thought it was hilarious. It is probably not a healthy thing that I don’t drive and so Lisa and I spend all day everyday together at home and hardly see anyone. Even though she is definitely a mama’s girl I am the one having a hard time being away from her. I also have no friends so there is no girls night out or something like that for me, and I also don’t go to play dates because I have no way to get to wherever they meet. My only outing in the Relief Society meeting every month, but I only go because I am in the committee and all I do is to make sure everything goes well with the meeting. I don’t socialize much because I am usually doing something. When we were in Utah for Thanksgiving Sherrie and Crystal offered to keep an eye on Lisa while Mike and I went on a “date”, but we didn’t even know what to do with ourselves and I was anxious to go back and see my baby. I guess it is very true when people say that there is no ME in motherhood, and yet I know that in order to be better mothers we need to take time to do things on our own.  I am trying to be better. I have renewed my learners permit once again and this time the DMV only gave me two months. I don’t really know why but I take that you cant be renewing a permit, you eventually have to get your drivers license. So I guess I need to get this done By march 20^th…I am scared.

Anyway let’s go back to my precious baby Lisa. She makes us so happy. She has been a blessing and a joy and we are infinitely grateful for having her with us. Our baby started sleeping though the night (8 hours) when she was 8 weeks old.  She was a terrible nurser, she would gum me incessantly and I was in pain for almost 4 months until somehow everything went better. She started great with solid foods when she was 6 months old, ate all the purees I made for her and continued nursing until I found out I was pregnant with our second baby. By that time she was only nursing at night though so she really didn’t miss it. She is a terrible eater lately but even with her pickiness she still manages to gain weight and she is actually in the 30% percentile for weight, which is the highest she has been. Once she started teething she would wake up once at night and I would nurse her back to sleep, but after doing it for two months I decided that I was creating a bad habit. I sent Mike one night and he picked her up, told her that it was time to sleep and not time to nurse, then he put her back in her crib and she has never woken up in the middle of the night since. She was 11 months when that happened. Our baby is now an Olympic sleeper, she takes one nap during the day, then she goes to bed at 7-7:30 and does not wake up until 7:30 – 8:00 the following day. I can’t believe I will be up again with another baby.

Our baby Lisa is a very happy baby. She loves her books more than anything. Three months ago I decided that she needed more toy because she just wanted me to read books all day long. I thought that because she didn’t have many toys she was using the books as toys. So we went to a consignment store and got three or four “new” toys for her. She did like her new toys but then she went back to her books. She has started to finish our sentences in both English and Spanish when we are reading to her, which tells us that she really understands what we are saying and also knows what is actually going to happen in the story. Even is she is playing around while I am reading Green Eggs and Ham in Spanish she always comes backs running for the part when he finally tries them. I love it.

Lisa Marielle loves queso (cheese) and avocado. She has a whole avocado sprinkled with some Costco cheese over it every day. She also loves her leche (milk) and demands to drink some in bed with mom every morning while we watch exactly two episodes of Curios George, then we go downstairs to have breakfast. She has started to use the spoon correctly and she wants to practice as much as she can. I can’t believe that small things like these give us so much joy and satisfaction. Baby Lisa has also started to let us know when she has a dirty diaper. She doesn’t do it every time though. If she has a dirty diaper when she wakes up she yells “The moma” “popo” over and over until I come and sure enough she has a dirty diaper.  POPO is the Spanish word for poop. One of my favorite things she does lately is when Mike comes home from work. Lisa doesn’t see him that much but lately she claps and yells “daddy, daddy” when he comes home and it makes me happy because I noticed that when she ignores him or just wants to be with me Mike gets a little sad. After all he is out all day to provide for us, if he had a choice I am sure he would spend more time with us.

18 months went by so fast. I miss my tiny baby, I miss the time when she would fall asleep on my chest or while nursing, I miss how adorable she looked all swaddled. I also cherish all these new things she does and I am so grateful that I am able to stay at home with her and that I can witness those little things that might be silly or super normal for some, but for a first time mom like me mean the world. I love staying with my girl at home even though sometimes I feel like I have lost part of who I am, and sometimes I feel like what I do goes unnoticed and unappreciated. I am grateful for every minute I spend with this beautiful child and I look forward to be by her side as she grows and learns more things. HAPPY 18 MONTHS TO BABY LISA!!