An August July Entry

That means that I should have posted this entry in July when I wrote it. I have been writing a lot but I don’t have much time to “clean” my writing and then I end up not posting anything. So I apologize for my grammar mistakes found all over these last entries.

I am the Meetings Committee Chair; that means that I am in charge of making the Relief Society monthly meetings happen. This July our meeting was obviously all about pioneers, cultural diversity and heritage. We are pretty good about having our speakers/teachers lined up months in advanced, but somehow this time our speaker couldn’t make it and we didn’t have time to find another speaker. The little talk was about being a pioneer within your family so when we were figuring out who to call everyone was looking at me.

I think I have stage fright. Just the thought of speaking in public makes me nervous and when it is actually happening my voice breaks, my hands sweat, mi knees shake, and I am a total mess. The interesting thing is that I only discovered this since I have been a member of the church. I didn’t know I was so afraid to do it until my first talk during sacrament meeting. The Relief Society presidency knows this and they are super nice; I never have to make announcements or anything that involves speaking in public. So when they all looked at me even I was surprised when all of the sudden I volunteered to do it. What got into me? I don’t know, but I felt like they needed me to do it plus I didn’t want to have to contact somebody in such short notice.

I was super nervous just thinking about it and to find some confidence I went back to read my patriarchal blessing. I was pleasantly surprised to rediscover something written there, it reads, “Your voice will be heard in English and Spanish; open your mouth and your tongue will be loose”. I have shared my conversion story with my ward today and since I have shared that talk a lot I decided to prepare something different. The day came and I did great. I was super nervous still, but I had written everything (even the jokes) because I know that if I was nervous I was going to get all mixed up and forget something important. Basically I shared a little bit of my conversion story but focused on the struggles that I felt were similar to those of the pioneers who crossed the planes. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, faith and sacrifice. I feel that even when times change the struggles of people who choose to follow the Lord and change their lives are very much the same. I also found during my pondering and reading that sometimes we as converts think that our challenges are not the same as those of the people born in the church. I think that being a pioneer means to stand for what you know to be true even when everything else around you tells you differently, and that includes life-time members. Maybe you knew that already.

I also found myself thinking about my temple experience in a different way. I have always known that the sacrifice of having to leave my parents outside the temple the day of our sealing was what I was supposed to do. When I was sharing this experience I realized that because of that sacrifice my daughter won’t have to go through the same, as long as they choose to be married in the temple and I am alive an worthy of course. I still cried my eyes out remembering what I felt seeing my parents so sad, but I am hopeful someday they will decide to go to the temple themselves. I had sisters at the end thanking me for remind them how fortunate some of they were to have their families with them when they were sealed. I hope to see my daughters marry in the temple one day.

I don’t have pictures of that day, but I do have some pictures of my girls.